I've Given You My Son This is a autobiography of my life over the past 3 years.
I have some damage and arthritis that can cause me a tremendous amount of back pain, the pain can be so bad that I feel physically ill. I have been in pain on and off for over 8 years. I originally injured my back in mid-1980. Over the past 5 years, I have gone on disability a couple of times because of my back. I reached the point where the pain from working was too great and had to stop working and go on disability retirement. Most of the time, I would be in some pain for a couple of days and it would subside. I have had physical therapy, received nerve block injections, along with acupuncture. The bad thing is, the doctors have said they have done all they can do and I was going to have to live with the pain. A few days after I had the injections this last time, I went to do some work in our backyard and started feeling some pain so I stopped, but the pain kept getting worse. This time, the pain was so strong that I felt nauseous. The pain lasted over two weeks and it was a completely new level of unrelenting pain, I had reached my limit. I was so tired of being in this kind of pain for so long and did not know what to do, I felt lost.
This had taken place while my wife was out-of-town and I just wanted it to stop. I was looking at our pool and thinking how easy it would be to take a dive into the side of the pool and end my life. I thought of how at least then the pain would stop, I entertained this mind-set for several minutes. Then, I thought of my family, friends, and what my death would do to them. Suddenly, I got this feeling of relief - as if my pain was gone. I felt this peace come over me. I wrote down what I felt God was doing to me, which you will read about a little later in the book. I know when someone ends their own life, it affects everyone in their life not just their family and friends, but more people than you may realize. It ruins any plans that God has for your life. Most of all, it is a sin. The fact is you may be the only one to save someone's life, by being at a certain place and showing them the love they need to feel. That by you being there, talking with them, and telling them it is OK, you will get through this and showing them, the love Jesus has shown you in your life. By being there, it may cause them to change their mind and not harm themselves or others. However, since you are not there, they might die as well. I hope this helps someone understand that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, in most cases.